I have great news! General Mills has sent me not just one, but TWO coupons! One is for a free box of Golden Grahams, and the second is for any General Mills product! I'm pumped, or as the Canadians say: "I'm totally stoked!" Also, Slim Jim has sent me two coupons as well! I'm actually surprised at how fast these came and how generous the coupons were! Now I'm on a quest to find something a little more substantial to write in about!
As you know, today is Independence day! Along with being America's birthday (although I'd like to interject and say that the Declaration of Independence was actually written on July 2nd...), it is also my girlfriend, Ashley's, younger brother's and younger cousin's birthday! I was curious and did some research to see how many others were born on this holiday. I uncovered that Barack Obama's daughter Malia, Advice twins Ann Landers and her sister Abigail Van Buren (better known as Dear Abby), New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, and President Calvin Coolidge were all born on July 4th! Strangely, I also uncovered that Presidents John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe all died on July 4th! Very strange.
For today's festivities, I wasn't sure what to do. In the past I have taken a ride to Lyntucky to see everything they have to offer in their 20 sq.ft. of township, but this year I wanted to do something different. So my girlfriend and I did what any other American would do: go see a movie! Let me interject really quick to let you know that when Ashley and I were thinking of ideas on what to do today, she actually said, "Hey!!! Let's go to Canada for the day!!!!!" Yeah, I would be a fantastic American if I went to Canada on my nation's freakin' birthday!
Anyways, after the movie and dinner, we decided to see if the mall was open. As we drove up, I noticed this car stopped at a stop sign and the man standing outside with his door open. Odd, right? Reality struck hard when I realized that his penis was out and there was urine making its evacuation onto the pavement. Where else can you see a beefy dark man holding his purple-helmeted warrior of love in his hand on the side of the road as innocent passerby's are helplessly forced to gaze? I say this: Only in America!
Goodnight, and Happy Birthday my beautiful country!
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