Christmas Memories

Dear Readers,

Christmas Day is over. We, Americans, have been preparing for this one day since October, all for it to be over in one day and sometimes in less than a half hour. Don't worry your pretty little face, though, because the next 2 weeks marks what I like to call "Post Christmas Bliss" which consists of the inevitable weekends of family parties. These extravaganzas are due in large part to divorced families, travel arrangements, or other circumstances and have made the Holiday season drag on just a little longer which, in my opinion, makes maxing out my Mastercard just a little more justified. Just a little.

Tonight, I find myself thinking back to a time where Christmas was more exciting. Come on, I know you all have that feeling where you think to when you were little, when Santa was real, and falling asleep was a delight on the 24th. I, personally, have a lot of great memories from my Christmas past which is due in large part to my Mom's over-the-top Christmas Spirit.

Around the Thanksgiving time, my Dad would drag the decorations out of the garage and painstakingly check each bulb for proper wattage. I'll take this moment to say that if my Mom wasn't so genuinely excited about the lights, my Dad would NEVER even put a single bulb up. Anyone who has ever driven down Maple Ridge Road during the month of December can attest to the enormity of our decorations. With the exception to this year (house remodeling), we have had upwards of 25 light-up reindeer piercing the eyes of motorists in our front yard. The layout is simple: Santa and his sleigh being the focal point of the lawn with his 9 reindeer towing, and the other 16 reindeer were "in training" for future voyages.

On Christmas Eve, my Mom's side of the family would come over to play games, eat food, and "enjoy" each others company. At the conclusion of the night, we could all open one gift from the Grandparents which, for my brother and I, consisted of the second half of our birthday gift (both December babies). Once they all left, my sister and I would go to sleep and my brother would go back to Albion where his Mom lived.

The morning is where the magic was, my friends. I know the next few lines are going to leave you saying, "seriously, Dave? You didn't pick up on this after 6+ years?" but I am going to risk the laughs and tell it anyway. My Dad, being a police officer, naturally has access to handcuffs. For most of my early childhood, I would wake up to find one handcuff securely fastened to a chair or something, and the other open, laying on the floor. Year, after year, my Dad would look at it in disgust and say, "Ugh, he got out again. I thought this was the year." It got to the point where, on Christmas Eve, I would watch dad lay out his pepper-spray, handcuffs, and badge to prepare for his hostile take down. Sure, now it seems kind-of selfish that I wanted my beloved Santa to be captured, but come on, what kid doesn't want to see Santa at his doorway? Exactly.

This year, Christmas was still exciting, though. As I have gotten older, spending time with my family has been the best part of the Holidays. In fact, this year my parents made an addition onto our house and my Grandma has her own mini-apartment right in our house. My Mom had a great idea to surprise her on Christmas morning. We decided to make her a stocking and stuff it with sugar free candy and other goodies to make her smile. The plan was to wait until midnight, sneak into her side of the house, and leave her stocking-complete with a letter from Santa-on her table so she would see it in the morning. At midnight on the dot, Mom came down to my cave of a room and told me it was time to initiate "Operation Christmas Cheer." I did a quick cough outside of the door to make sure I didn't have a coughing fit before entering, and slowly opened the sliding wooden door that led to her side. With stealth comparable to the Army Special Forces, I entered the dark abyss and felt around for her table. This mission didn't come without complications, though; I ran into her dining room chair and made a loud noise. Of course, I laughed and made it worse, but Grandma sleeps in a mini coma, so I knew it would still be a successful militaristic mission. Sure enough, in the morning, her cute voice rattled through our house. "Santa came," she said with a childish gleam. "The note says I made the nice list!"

Family is what it's all about.

I sincerely hope that you had a great Holiday Season. I am proud to say I have friends who celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa, and I hope, regardless of your religion, that you have enjoyed time with your family and loved ones. Just remember to keep them close because you never know what may happen down the road. Make memorable experiences now, so you can smile and laugh about them later.

Goodnight Readers,

A few more gripes

Dear Readers,

It seems like every day I come across some things that irritate me and I don't express them enough to you, my beautiful/handsome/sexy reader. It's not that there's not anything substantial to write about these days, I mean DADT is about to be repealed, there was a plane crash today, Israel and Turkey are mending their recent rift, and Snookie and The Situation made an appearance on VH1; I just think there are some less substantial things to be thinking about on this day, the five day eve of my twenty first birthday.

Gripe 1: Napkins
Some form of a napkin has been used to wipe away tears, food, and fecal matter from the faces and hands of humans for centuries. From handkerchief to the paper napkin enjoyed by us daily, there are a cornucopia of different forms of them readily available for our cleaning pleasure. My issue is the design on them. Just sit back and remember the last time you cared about the pink flowers that were obviously hand drawn on your napkin. If you can honestly say, with the exception of holiday gatherings (that was for you, mom), that you buy napkins specifically for the design, then I sincerely dislike you to a point where you're going to have to make some significant strides to improve our tarnished relationship.

Gripe 2: Disrespect
I'm going to start this one by stating a positive: every student at SUNY Brockport is ridiculously good about holding the door for you. It is almost sick. I can be 7 strides away and the nice girl with the Vera Bradley purse will hold the door so I don't have to expend my precious energy opening the door again. Now for the negative: Is it so hard to say "Hi" back? When I'm walking by myself and another person is walking towards me about to pass inches from me, I am going to say hi or "hey how's it going?" At least fifty percent of the time I get eye contact but not even a head nod acknowledging my existence back. Come on, people, sleep well knowing you dodged a hello.

Gripe 3: More Disrespect
Yep, more disrespect will be discussed now because I think this one deserves its own paragraph. Stop being disrespectful towards police officers. It is ridiculous to listen to someone complain about getting a speeding ticket. I understand that NO ONE wants to get a citation of any form, but to follow up your displeasure with "he has nothing else to do" or "the cop was an asshole" is just asinine. Are there some sworn police officers who aren't nice to deal with or inquire about things that you have nothing to do with? Yes, absolutely, but you have to think about the person wearing the uniform for a second; this cop deals with nine people who are rude and disrespectful for every ten people they talk to. I believe that police officers deserve to be given the same respect and dignity that we give to US troops.

Gripe 4: People who hate Top Gun
This one is short, if you hate Top Gun because you think the underlying meaning is that Maverick and Goose had a subtle homosexual relationship, you're an idiot. It is a piece of cinematic gold!

Gripe 5: Peanut M&M's
If you like peanut M&M's more than regular M&M's you need to lay low because you are going to be recruited by a cult that is planning to overtake the government and make America a communist nation. Also, come on they are awful! I love peanuts and I obviously love M&M's but nothing that delicious should ever be altered in any way and if you disagree then you are one step away from the girl who chose to eat the dried raisins for dessert instead of the apple crisp.

Gripe 6: Spiders
Can't we just get rid of them all? They are the creepiest insect on the planet and they need to go. For all of you Environmental Science junkies, you're saying to yourself (or out loud), "But Dave, Spiders help manage insect populations by eating lots of insects and medical research using spider venom has yielded several chemicals that may be useful to control or treat diseases in human!" Well, my good friend who has researched "positives of spiders" on Google, in my professional opinion, we can find better ways to manage the insect populations, and we will use stem cell research to produce artificial venom. Quick thought: do spiders have stem cells? Look it up, I won't.

That's all the gripes I have for you today. I'm off to bed to enjoy dreams of napkins, M&Ms, and a clean living-room (it is gross in my house right now). Sleep well and buy me M&Ms for my 21st birthday.

In the news

Dear Readers,

I fell asleep at around midnight but woke up randomly and I cannot seem to get to sleep. I feel like an overdue blog is in order.

Life changes are in the works left and right, my friends. I have chosen to take my life in a different direction that should bring me more out of my life but still provide me with the necessities of life. The details on these changes will be explained in the future because I wouldn't want to jinx the direction my luck is going in.

As the insomnia was charging through my body like Heroine shoots through Courtney Love's, I surfed the interweb on a search for some news.

First stop: CNN, where one of the top stories is "Alcoholic Whipped cream selling fast." This is obviously something that would make the news during the recent debate over the legality of Four Loko. The very thought of delicious whipped cream being mixed with "the equivalent of 3 beers" makes my lips tingle with excitement.

Second stop: Fox News, where a story reads, "Armed Wis. Student Frees Hostages, Shoots Self." Apparently, a 15 year old got pissed about his terrible life and decided he wanted to scar an entire school district for life. You can put as many "experts" on Nancy Grace and have them explain the reasoning behind school shootings, but for someone to actually acquire the necessary weapons-not to mention, BALLS- to pull a stunt like this, there is something seriously wrong with the upbringing of this demented soul.

Third stop: MSNBC, where their top story says, "U.S. looks for way to prosecute over leaks." All I can say about this is, why wouldn't the U.S. charge someone for leaking these documents? It is simple, people, national security is our top priority. Our economy is going to keep going up and down, our kids are going to keep getting fatter and fatter, but we have a security problem in our country that goes beyond border protection. To have a snot nosed person leak sensitive documents about what goes on in the inter-workings of the department that keeps us safe every day, makes me physically ill. Whomever keeps leaking these items to Wiki Leaks has an obvious financial gain or has been wronged by our government in one way or another; I just hope we figure it out and make him/her pay.

I popped some Advil PM about a half hour ago and it is starting to kick in, so I'm going to wrap it up. I'll leave you with these two quotes:

"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
-Benjamin Franklin

"Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it."
-Jacques Prévert

Goodnight, readers. Next blog, which is in the works, will be an epic one.

Border Wars

Dear Readers,

I'm excited to say that my Prop 19 BLOG got an insane amount of views from people from across the globe. In fact, there were two people from Denmark, ten people from England, three people from Iraq (I assume they were service members), and five people from Canada. I'm excited to see that something I write can actually get views outside from my facebook friends. Also, I was the "Featured Post" on Blogger.com for a solid fifteen minutes!

Now that my ego is inflamed, I have to say that I am aware of my flawed arguments concerning pot legalization, but it was my opinion and I stand by what I wrote. I feel like the next thing I will discuss on my quest to write about something serious at least once a week, is the war on border protection.

It is no secret to those who are close to me that my views on border protection and illegal immigration are very strong. I'll start off by just putting it out there that I strongly disagree with any form of illegal immigration regardless of the reason and I am very much in favor of a strong protection at all our borders and ports of entry.

Something I have learned in the last few years is that contrary to what most Americans believe, the Founding Fathers were skeptical of immigration. In fact, they had no objection to bringing in immigrants to specialize in jobs that Americans weren't specialized in. But, according to Thomas E. Woods, Jr., they were "convinced that mass immigration would bring social turmoil and political confusion in its wake."

“Suppose 20 millions of republican Americans thrown all of a sudden into France, what would be the condition of that kingdom?” Jefferson asked. “If it would be more turbulent, less happy, less strong, we may believe that the addition of half a million of foreigners to our present numbers would produce a similar effect here.” Alexander Hamilton was even more blunt about it. Again, I quote a piece from Woods, Jr., who found a text from Hamilton that said, the safety of a republic, according to him, depended “essentially on the energy of a common national sentiment, on a uniformity of principles and habits, on the exemption of the citizens from foreign bias and prejudice, and on that love of country which will almost invariably be found to be closely connected with birth, education and family.”

With this said, I will point out the arguments of the opposition. While I disagree with the notion that Americans should open their arms to endless immigrants with no criminal record and no trafficking motivations, I agree strongly that immigrants from other countries provide services to our country that our born Americans wouldn't do.

I have a big problem with specifically the border war on the Mexican-U.S. border. There was once a point, not so long ago, that Americans would cross the border to shop and ultimately stimulate the economy, but in the last twenty years Americans won't take the risk because of the dangerous drug cartels that have basically taken over the government. With that said, there are the people who just want to come to the country to provide for their families, but even the most innocent have the potential to have been corrupted by the drug, human, or organ trafficking that is killing our country.

In my opinion, I feel as though the increased border protection is more than neccessary to keeping our country's unstable economy in a decent state. My favorite thing to point out is that illegal immigrants do nothing for our economy except the few dollars that they put back in for food, clothes, etc. Most illegal immigrants send back upwards of 90% of the pay checks they receive from their low paying-and most of the time bad working conditions-jobs back to their loved ones back in Mexico. What happens when they get hurt? First off, a lot of the time they don't get the medical treatment they need in fear of deportation, but when it is so bad that they seek medical assistance, they go to our medical facilities. Our hospital systems in America are set up to be compassionate, and they give the immigrants medical treatment with government programs that are supposed to help out TAXPAYING Americans. This is a problem because with the "illegal" stamped on them, they never pay a dime in taxes that put these programs into work.

Readers, think what you want. Obviously I have a strong view on this and I hope it doesn't make you think less of me, or even more of me because this is a debate that has Americans at arms about. Keep your mind open, be educated about it, and try to see it from all angles. I've enjoyed writing this post, and I hope my lack of joking in this one doesn't turn you off from future posts. I promise I will have a good mix of serious and fun posts!

On a side note, do something crazy from the hours of 1:00am to 2:00am, because once 2:00am hits, you get to do that entire hour over again. One would argue that whatever you did during the first hour never happened.

Goodnight,

I quoted a text in the beginning from:
http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=21626

Prop 19

Dear Readers,

The time of the 2 (or 4) years is finally completed! Every September, our airwaves are flooded with ads, propaganda, and forwarded emails from public office candidates in hopes that their negativity towards their counterpart or their love for the nearly extinct Eskimo Curlew will sway our vote one way or another. I don't know about you, but I sincerely hate political ads. The fake smiles, the fake words, and the fake quotations taken out of context make me want to kill of the rest of the beloved Eskimo Curlew's of the world (wondering about the Eskimo Curlew? Click here to learn more about them).

I do, however, enjoy a good debate. After voting ended today, I find myself with a bad taste in my mouth because all I know about the candidates that I voted for are the things said on The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and major news networks. If a good 'ol debate had happened, I feel like I could have learned more about them.

On a slightly different note, Proposition 19 has been SHOT DOWN by California voters. If you're not familiar with Prop 19, let me give you the official definition with proper citations:

"Proposition 19 also known as the Regulate, Control & Tax Cannabis Act is a ballot initiative on the November 2, 2010 California statewide ballot. It would legalize various marijuana-related activities, allow local governments to regulate these activities, permit local governments to impose and collect marijuana-related fees and taxes, and authorize various criminal and civil penalties("State of California Initiative analysis". Lao.ca.gov. 2009-09-09. http://www.lao.ca.gov/ballot/2009/090512.aspx. Retrieved 2010-10-05.). In March 2010, it qualified to be on the November statewide ballot(Banks, Sandy (March 29, 2010). "Pot breaks the age barrier". Los Angeles Times (Tribune Company). http://articles.latimes.com/2010/mar/29/local/la-me-banks30-2010mar30. Retrieved March 31, 2010). It requires a simple majority in order to pass, and would take effect the day after the election ("California Constitution Article 2 Section 10". http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/.const/.article_2. Retrieved 2010-10-05.). Yes on 19 is the official advocacy group for the initiative, and No On Proposition 19 is the official opposition group."

I hope that clears it up for you, beautiful. Yes, you are beautiful. Anyways, I'm personally pleased with the fact that it got voted down because, in my opinion, California would have been the starting point of a new beginning for pot being socially acceptable. People who smoke aren't productive citizens in the least; lets be honest here, what major accomplishments have been made under the influence of marijuana? Ok, so what if Albert Einstein was rumored to have toked up on occasion? So what if Michael Phelps' face looks like a foot and he was caught smoking the gonge? So what if President Clinton puffed but didn't inhale (and I'm not talking about pot...BAM!)?

My point is, in my experience being around someone who smokes weed only brings conversations such as the following (all true stories):

1) What if, like, aliens are looking down at us and saying, like, "they are using dogs and cats as pets..." Like, their dogs and cats might be, like, productive citizens and, like, the humans are their pets....
2) Dude, I'm Fu*king high right now
3) Brah, I know everything there is to know, like, about the inner workings of, like, the restaurant business. If I was in, like, charge of the place, we would be millionaires.
4) Dude, hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa, I'm going to bed.
5) When are they going to, like, just, like, legalize this stuff? I can drive, like, better. Like, I focus better on, like, the road, and, like the rules of the road.

These are actual examples from people I have seen who were high. It is not a knock on these people because when they were sober, they were normal(ish) people who could carry on normal(ish) conversations.

That's all I have to say about that. I'm glad Prop 19 got shot down, but Pot lovers out there, please just listen to my plea: Stop whining about the fact that pot isn't legal. Put the roach down and do Coke like an adult (kidding...coke is bad too).

Goodnight Readers,

My Novel Idea

Dear Readers,

It is no secret that my writing could use some work. I constantly triple check my blogs and find sentences that make no sense, words that aren't words, and on occasion, I find waldo camping out behind the word hat. I started this blog to rant and rave about certain topics and to keep my mind moving in different directions but by writing this, I hope one day I am inspired to write a book, or even a novel. This will not happen until I retire, I can guarantee that right now, but I think I will find a topic one of these times that deserves to be written about in a leather-bound manner.

On a different note, I am challenging all of you to do something over the next two weeks. I am challenging you to make an actual bucket list for you life. I know it sounds corny and maybe a little morbid to some who don't like to think about the things you want to do before you die, but if you do this I promise you won't be disappointed. I have a list consisting of twenty five things to date, but I am always thinking about more to add. There are a few things you need to make sure you do when writing them, though. Keep these rules in mind:

1) Keep them realistic: If you are 400lbs, you're not going to climb to the peak of Mt. Everest.
2) Don't worry about order: You can skydive when you're 80. It has been done.
3) Put a few that involve others: Some of the best memories are created with a companion or two
4) Hand write them: Just like the movie; put the list on paper so you can take it with you.
5) Have an open mind: No one will have the same list. Some have the same ideas but everyone wants different things in life.
6) Have fun with it: Obviously some are going to be serious, but the list is meant to make you happy.
7) Get out of your comfort zone: Put items on your list that are going to make you feel accomplished after you complete it.
8) Do no harm: Do not. I say again, DO NOT put anything on your list that will cause harm to others.

These "rules" are loose, to say the least. Cater the list to your needs and try to make them all about you. To put it bluntly, be selfish about it because your list is about having no regrets in life and making the most out of your time here. Try it, or don't; It is your life. Hey, you never know, maybe you'll get an idea to write a book about it.

Have a great weekend, Readers.

Pedestrian blues

Dear readers,

Like most off campus students living walking distance from the academic buildings, I choose to use my two feet to make my way to my overpriced classes. There is a certain monotony attached to this once you get in a rhythm of the semester. Through trial and error you learn how to budget your walk time down to the second of the start of class, or at least before the first iClicker question is blasted on the projector. For me, I know I can leave at 1:05 if I want to make it to Edwards in time, and 1:02 if I need to get to Holmes in time; however I have noticed that there are a few variables that prevent me from my time management goal.

These variables range from weather all the way to traffic volume. Weather is not that big of an issue because if you live in New York, you know how to handle every possible weather challenge that plague the campus. The traffic is not so easy to navigate. I have noticed something lately that has me thinking there is a higher power conspiring to make me late and more importantly, make awkward moments happen to me.

The traffic problem that I have noticed isn't the usual "12,000 cars going by and I can't get by." It is far less cognitively noticed. Have you ever been walking and had the situation where you get to the four way stop at the EXACT same time as the car does? This poises an interesting problem because the pedestrian assumes they have the right to cross and that is usually the case, but there is always that 3-5 second stare down with the guy in the drivers seat (who always has a dry, disdain look on his face) which leads to two different thought processes going on at the same time.

The driver (see fig.1) is staring at you. He wants you to cross, but won't just put his hand up to wave you on. In his head, he is thinking, "Hey, douche-bag, I have some fist pumping to do with my braaahs, I don't have time to play this game of sidewalk bingo with you." But his face stays perfectly stoic, as if you need to read his mind in order to solve the problem at hand, as well as to solve JFK's assassination.

The pedestrian (see fig.2) is staring at the driver. He has one hand in his right pocket, and the other on his trapper keeper that holds the notes from his Anatomy and Physiology lab. In his head he's thinking, "OK, this is going to be OK. I am supposed to walk now, but why is this guy staring at me as if he's trying to read my soul?" But his face also stays stoic, not showing any of his terrified thoughts on his face.

This, to some, doesn't seem to be even a small issue. I want you to be aware that this situation (see fig.3) happens at almost every intersection. There is even that 10 seconds where I see the car moving and I can calculate that we are going to get to the cross walk at the same exact time, and what do you know, it always happens. I'm just asking you, fellow walkers, just pay attention next time you partake in a quest of foot patrol and you will notice this, too.

Goodnight, Readers.

M&M's

Dear readers,

It is no secret that I have a few vices in life, just like most of you. Some of these vices are normal, some are frowned upon by the general public, and one in particular seems to most as an odd obsession. If you haven't figured out what I'm talking about, then you don't know me very well. I'll give you a few hints:
1) They come in a bag
2) They have a single letter imprinted on them
3) I'm pretty sure if they were around circa 65A.D they would have been worth more than gold
4) On tour, Van Halen demanded these backstage but stipulated there should be no brown ones.

Obviously I am referring to the delicious chocolate, crunchy delights called M&M's. I can trace my obsession to the tasty treats back as far as elementary school when my third grade class took a trip to a popular ice cream shop in Medina called, Double Dips. I ordered a chocolate cyclone with cookie dough and chocolate chips. Miss. Bush, with her beautiful charm, suggested that I add M&M's to the mix. On a side note, I think this is when she fell in love with me; I was picking up slight signals before then, but this pretty much solidified my prepubescent fixation that we were meant to be together. Anyways, I indulged in my cold snack and was pleasantly surprised by how the crunch brought the flavor (or flavour if you are Canadian) of the cyclone to a new horizon. Obviously, I had M&M's before then but this is when, I assume, I fell in love with them.

My love for those sexy little cylinders was brought into light when my thoughtful Mom customized M&M's to say "Dave Gray class of 2008" for my high school graduation party. Of course they were a hit. In fact, I believe more than 70% of my graduation gifts wouldn't have been as generous if not for the M&M party favors (or favours again for our Canadian friends) they were graciously offered.

I am writing this today because I believe I can kick the habit. I mean, it is $1.oo per bag, and $12.00 for a big bag from Wal*Mart which is pretty pricey, and I think it is an unnecessary habit to have. Also, I think out of all my vices, this will be the easiest to kick. I shall keep my baby birds (you) updated every BLOG from here on out on my progress or inevitable relapse.

Good night, Readers.

They say that in the Army...

Dear Readers,

Tomorrow morning I will embark on another Field Training Exercise(FTX) with the Army until Sunday. It should be a pretty good time with everyone, complete with some weapon training, Chinook (big helicopter) ride and some other activities.

Readers, the last few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. My last BLOG was fairly serious and I hope it didn't turn anyone off of my writing. I feel it was necessary to let it all out in words instead of just keeping it to myself, I mean come on I have a BLOG so I just said to myself, "When in Rome." To get my mind off of various topics invading my mind lately, I have been concentrating on school and keeping up with the news. One story that is always mentioned at least three times a week is the cost of oil/gas. I have come up with a unique and extremely feasible solution to lessen the burden on 'ol mother Earth.

In my eyes, there are two different ways we can go about defeating this seemingly inevitable loss of mankind.

1) Stop using gasoline! Just STOP! If scientists and inventors can make a sponge in the shape of a microphone (click here), then they can make some sort of engine converter that makes water work an engine! Let me put it to you this way: imagine going down the street and hearing a huge truck start up. Instead seeing smoke come out of the exhaust, you see bubbles in the shape of kangaroos. The kids will love your new BMW™.

2) Go back to horse and buggy, with one key difference: Genetically enhanced Stallions! Think about it; scientists could create these horses that can run up to 128.9 mph, only needing to stop for a fill-up of steroids and water every 80 miles. That means you'd be getting 40 miles to a syringe (on the highway, city driving will vary according to traffic volume and amount of traffic lights).

So those are my ideas. Obviously it would take some money to get this accomplished, but I think with our country being so wealthy, out of debt, and being economically stable consistently for the past 75 years, we can do anything we put our little minds to.

Goodnight and remember to take it one day at a time,

If something's in your way, move it.

Dear Readers,

I am sincerely sorry that is has been a quick minute since my last post. I have had more problems with my "new" HP™ than I can count. I finally convinced HP™ to let me send it in to get a full repair. In my quest to suck the most satisfaction I can as a customer, I also acquired a larger hard drive for free; I am good.

Anyways, my life has been interesting the last few weeks. I was stricken with a strange nosebleed phenomenon that lasted a combined total of 18.5 hours. Luckily, with the exception of a few instances, it seems as though my "Nosebleeditis" has been cured by nothing except my love for How I met your mother. See, when one of the main characters, Barney, talks about when he gets sick he says, "I don't get sick. You see whenever I start to feel ill, I just become awesome instead." I took his advice and after being awesome for a few days, I decided it was time for the nosebleeditis to stop; and stop it did.

Other than my nosebleeds, I have been just taking every day in stride. I'm treating every day truly as a new day. It seems logical but that simple concept gets lost all the time. I am a planner, which means I am always making plans for the future: I want a career in the Army, I want to graduate on time, I want a wife who I can love unconditionally for the rest of my life, and I want M&M's to always be available for me to eat. All of these things seem simple enough, but to acomplish these time sensitive objectives, I have learned in the last few months that it is much better to set goals that are time bound, attainable, and realistic. All of my plans are all of those things, however, in order to achieve them I must set micro goals along the way to ensure I can complete the major goals.

My recent breakup is a prime example of how micro goals are essential. I was so "sure" of the future and attaining my goals that I got set in my ways and did not try to make the present worthwhile. If I had made micro goals, who knows what may have happened. I will not dare to say it would have ended up differently, but I will say that it would have left me with zero regrets.

It is no secret that I screwed up last semester. I am man enough to admit my mistakes and man enough to say what I could have done differently. Readers, I am not keeping any secrets from you, I lost my Aunt to cancer in the early months of 2010 and it hit me HARD. I alienated myself from reality, my fraternity brothers, my girlfriend who just wanted to help, and even my family. I spent my semester lying to myself saying everything was OK when in reality, it was the contrary. Micro goals could have saved my grades, the respect of my Batallion's Cadre, and my best friends in life, but hindsight is truly 20-20.

My newly found micro goal idea I am sure has been said in motivational speeches and many books, but I think the things in life I would re-do, make it more real to me. I know everyone always says, "I have no regrets," but they are lying to themselves. Do I regret letting myself slip away from reality for over two months? Absolutely. Do I regret being so stuck in my ways that I let the love of my life slip away? Again, Absolutely. Do I regret not being goal driven this time last year? More than anything in my life. The fact of the matter is, I have regrets and you have regrets. My lesson learned is to wake up every morning and ask myself "what are you doing to make yourself better today?" Sounds corny, but after the year I've had, it is necessary.

I realize this is far from my usual funny rants about life, but I am in one hell of a funk. I'm still not losing my way like I did 8 months ago because I have learned from that, but I am still trying to figure myself out. I hope when you read this you see that there are bigger things in life than partying, playing video games, Facebook™ stalking, and looking too far in the future. With that in mind, all of these examples (except my generation's obsession with social networking), are a fact of life and there is nothing wrong with any of them. Life is truly about enjoying the time you have here and becoming the best version of yourself that you can. Give it all you have, love hard, be nice to people even if they are not necessarily nice to you, and you will never have a single regret; but having regrets are, unfortunately, the way you learn and the way you shape yourself for the future.

It is now 4:02am, I am sitting in my parent's house and really enjoying my time here. I hope you are too.

Live it up, Readers.

Lies

Dear Readers,

I would like to think of myself as a very honest man. I don't cheat on my significant other, I do my taxes every year, I give back one of the ten dollar bills stuck to the other, and I don't give my iClicker to my friend when I don't go to my psychology class. I do, however, have one thing I like to do. This little thing is something that may seem to you a childish, stupid thing that maybe makes me a sick person.

I guess I'll just tell you a story before I get into my reasoning:

A few months ago, I was at Wal-Mart™ with my buddy, Kyle, on a conquest to buy groceries. On my shopping list was a new pack of boxers and a stick of deodorant. Kyle, on the other hand, needed some fruit and a few miscellaneous food items, so we went our separate ways and had a set a rally point at register 5 for fifteen minutes. I went on my way, grabbed my stick of Old Spice™, and started heading towards the packs of boxers. As I was walking I had that uncomfortable sense that the people walking towards me were looking at me. Let me take a moment and see if you can relate to this, as I think you have. Have you ever been walking and had someone wave to "you" but it was actually to the person behind you? Yeah, this was sort-of the same situation. These people were walking and staring at me as if they knew me. As they got closer, the woman exclaimed, "Mr. Coleman!!!" I stared in a stunned way, and for reasons I cannot explain, I replied, "Hey...have we met?" As they got to me, I saw they were talking to an older gent behind me. I turned to him and said, "Don't tell me your last name is Coleman too!" He replied that it was and I proceeded to act as if it were the damnedest of coincidences that we shared the last name. I introduced myself as David Coleman and he introduced himself as Rick Coleman. We had a laugh at the seemingly fantastic small world we lived in, I shook his hand and carried on.

I know what you are saying to yourself: "WHY?!" I can only reply with, "Why not?". It was an awkward situation that I turned into a dinner conversation for both parties. I can't explain why I thought of this, or why I even acted on it, but the fact of the matter is that I stood there and made up an entire story about myself to avoid an inevitable awkward series of events.

A similar situation happened just a few weeks ago. Kyle and I were back at Wal-Mart™ to get a bed sheet and a package of screws. We got home and realized we got the wrong size screws and "fitted bed sheets" instead of the plain kind. So, we went back to Wal-Mart™ and got a full refund of $11.78. We walked back to the familiar aisles and got the same exact two things, just different size screws and the right sheets. As we were walking up to the cashier, we knew very well the price was going to be the same and Kyle challenged me to have some fun with the situation. When we got to the register and the nice lady was ringing our items through the scanner, I said, "Hmmm....If my math is correct, I think with tax it will come to...ummm.... yeah I'm confident....$11.78". As it turned out, that was exactly the price and the cashier was very stunned by our seemingly genius math skills. She asked how we knew that and I replied, nonchalantly, "We're both math majors". She then went on to say how she wished she could do things of the sort and we went on our way, sharing a cornucopia of laughs on our way to my old man car.

Again, I could have said nothing, gave her the exact change and carried on but I didn't. I took the fun route and had a good laugh about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, lying is bad. No doubt about it. When you're put in a situation in your life where you need to tell the truth, or you are telling someone you care about something, you should not ever play this game; however, I feel like little things you do throughout your life to give yourself, and others, a little laugh is harmless. Think about it, neither one of these scenarios that I described caused any harm at all to any parties involved. Life is about being responsible, making your time on Earth worthwhile, and most of all, having fun along the way.

Good day, readers. Have a great Saturday. I know I will.

New HP

Dear Readers,

Recently, I became computer-less when the freak heat wave of last week caused my motherboard to take a proverbial poop. I cried a little, I sat in the fetal position a little, and I said the lords prayer a lot, hoping that the last 4 years of work would be saved somehow.

Upon calling tech support at HP™, I was put on with this wonderful, English speaking man named Tim. I told my new geek buddy, Tim, what had happened and he was very sure it was the motherboard. Also, he said, the hard drive is most likely O.K., so all I need to do was transfer my old files from my old hard drive, onto a new hard drive in a new computer.

I know you are thinking, "Woah, Dave! Why don't you just send your fact seeking machine to HP™ and let them fix it?!?!" Well, I asked about this and Tim was very sorry that my warranty was up but they would still fix it for a small fee. Any guesses on what the "small fee" might be?
$50-NO
$100-NO
$200-NO
$250-NO
$400-NO
$500-Nope....

If you guessed $786.00, you are correct. That is right, readers; for the price of a new computer, HP can fix all my problems in my old computer and ship it back to me for just 60 years worth of pocket change.

I decided I needed to buy a new computer; I have papers due, homework online due, and readers of my "insert award here" nominated blog to appease. I went to Wal-Mart™ and browsed their selection of computers. I decided, for compatibility reasons, that I would stick with HP because up until this point I have never had any problems with it. I ended up settling with an HP™ Pavillion with some numbers after it.

The story is going great. You're thinking, "Dang, were is the gripe? Where is the part where you get angry about something?" Well, man who has a low view on my personality, it happened when I tried to swipe my credit card. The dreaded letters "D-E-N-I-E-D" popped up on the screen. I know exactly how much credit I have to work with, and I know very well that this purchase is well under my limit, so I get my Black Berry™ out and call my credit card company, Discover™. I was on hold for 26 minutes! How many people, at 9:40 at night, have problems with their credit cards?! After the 26 minutes were up and I could recite the entire on-hold song by memory, a lovely lady picked up. Sandra calmly explained that Discover™ thought someone was using my card fraudulently and they denied it to protect me.

Wow. I'm actually going to end this blog in a happy mood! My credit card company actually cares. I could have sworn by my APR% that they have no desire for me to ever live comfortably, but this company actually does try to protect its consumers. Nice.

Good day, readers

Wendy's™

Dear Readers,

My BLOGS lately have been, for the most part, aimed towards my frustrations in regards to certain topics. I was planning on writing about how I feel humpback whales are God's gift to the world, but a recent experience at Brockport's Wendy's™ leaves me with literally a bad taste in my mouth.

I was on a journey headed in the direction of self awareness, when I noticed a strange feeling in my stomach. I started running through scenarios in my head as to why this was happening. I came up with these:
1) I was being eaten alive by a tapeworm
2) I had a bowel movement in my immediate future
3) Jesus chose me to bare the first child born from a man (yes, I have heard of the "man" who gave birth twice. Hoax)
4) My liver was striking back
5) I had developed the rare Helicobacter pylori bacteria. My medical training tells me that blood, breath, and stool tests may be done to help reveal a possible infection of Helicobacter pylori bacteria.
6) I was hungry.

Ok, baby birds, as the fear of these possible reasons for my stomach pain were raining through my head, I decided to try eating something. So, I decided to indulge at Wendy's™ and grab my friend some while I was out. I ordered a #6 and a #3. Now I ask you this: How much do you think this cost? $9.50? $10.50? $11.59? Yeah, I assumed that this would cost my around twelve Washington's. Boy(or girl), I was wrong; the total was "$16.68 please *white noise* around to the wi*white noise*ow". I thought I just heard wrong, so I followed the nice lady's directions and pulled around to the window. She says, "$16.68". After asking if this was right for just two meals, she said, "Um, yeah they were like $8.00 each or something." I looked at her for a second with a blank stare and she says, "So, are you going to pay?!" I instantly got pissed and said, "yes, but I'm going to need a receipt". She hands me the food, receipt, her fake smile, and I leave.

I have tolerance for high prices, but I do not have tolerance for cold food, cold attitudes, or cold toes. I had all of these things and Wendy's ™ was at fault for two out of the three of my irritations. My fries tasted like they were cooked and stored in the Arctic Tundra and my burger was very much sub par.

The next day, I called their customer service center and vented my frustrations about my meal and the kind Customer Service Representative agreed that the price was wrong. Turns out I was charged for 2 extra fries and she collected my phone number. She told me that the store manager would be in touch, but I have yet to hear anything back from their fine eating establishment that can only be compared to the food equivalent of the nearest cow pasture.

Just to clarify, it was hunger that was causing the strange phenomenon in the area of my stomach, but I did not come to that conclusion thanks to Wendy's™.

Good day, Readers.

Dave's thoughts exactly

Dear Readers,

I will start this blog off with an update from my recent car break in. I received a letter from Assistant District Attorney Amanda Balling from Monroe county earlier this week and was instructed to call her office. Being an upstanding citizen, I obliged and called Miss. Balling promptly and got through to her office. I will pause for a second to mention that Miss. Balling sounded sexy. I pause again, and return to the story. I told her the defendants names and the date of my traumatic incident which led her to a 16 minute crusade to find the file. I was hoping for some Barry Manilow to be playing, but instead was left with nothing but the sound of wrestling papers and call of duty being played in my immediate background. Once returning to the phone, she told me that one of the "alleged" offenders had a pretty extensive record and the other had a clean one. To my surprise, I had the option of what I wanted to charge them with: I could charge them with the full petty larceny, unlawful entering and possession of stolen property, OR I could have been one of God's angels and let them off with just unlawful entry.

Now, Readers (I capitalize Readers because I care that much about you), I am a compassionate man who loves nothing more than to see a baby whale being saved from his terrorizing death after being beached for 12 hours, but as for the inter city youth who drop it like it's hot, who blew up the spot, who be krumping, and who wreck shop, I have none. I told her to make an example out of the thugs and throw 'da book at 'der boogaloo style. She obliged and said I might get a subpoena if they plead not guilty. When asked what the max sentence is for this, she said it was a $2,000 fine and weekends in jail for 4 months.

I am hurt. Weekends in jail? Commmoooonnn. I haven't stopped shaking since it happens, I have nightmares, and my left eye, I believe, may be going blind because of the stress. As slight as the exaggeration of my PTSD might be from this incident, I must say I think it is an absolute joke these kids will only have to do weekends in jail.

On a serious note, this says a lot about over crowding in jails and the offenders themselves. Think about it, if I got caught doing the same thing, I would be thrown in jail and have bail set at $1,000. This, in my opinion, is because I come from a decent family who can afford a lawyer who is not a public defender and everyone, from the government as well as the private attorneys would make more money from this. Those punks probably didn't even get to use the jail showers or enjoy a PB&J. Everything happens because of 'da Benjamin's.

On a side note, I tried Facebook stalking the two captains of crime but was unsurprised to find they did not have an account...imagine that. Oh, and no, I will not post the names of the two; I have a little bit of discretion. Just a little bit. (PS: Nancy, did I use that semicolon correctly?!)

Goodnight, Readers.

Rage like no other

Dear Readers,

Recently, I have been thinking about the little things in life that irritate me to no end. Some of these are:
1) Russian accents
2) Bandwagon fans of any team
3) People who honk their horn at me and wave. Just don't do it, I can't see who you are and you just look like an idiot.
4) People who disrespect police officers
5) Pony rides at the fair- Hey, little brat, it's a undersized horse who can't carry your chub anyways.
6) People who pronounce pajamas, Pajahmahs.
7) NASCAR....not a sport, enough said.

There are many more that I have and I promise to share with you, but one I did not mention may sound a little strange to you. I cannot stand Forever 21 stores. Yes, that is the truth, Forever 21 is a retail store that grinds my gears like no other. Have you ever just walked in and seen the place? The floor has a hideous glitter that makes your eyes swell up with hatred, the clothes are spread out the store as if the devil himself folded and tagged the clothes, and the people-excuse me, the prepubescent brats- who go into that poor excuse of a retail chain are nothing but a bunch of winy, spoiled girls who need to be locked in a closet for no less than 6 years. Just take a walk into that place and you will instantly see what I am talking about. Recently, at the Galleria Mall in Buffalo, they added a second story to the palace of female hormones. That means if you are dragged into the place by your significant other, girlfriend, girl you just met, girl who you're not sure is 17 yet, girl who you're 70% sure is not a guy, or just a friend, you have no place to hide when she drags you to the retail equivalent to the second level of Dante's Inferno.

I know what you are thinking, "Wow, Dave! You sure have a strong opinion about a company just trying to make a profit using the free market ideals our forefathers envisioned for us!" But let me tell you, well educated and equally enthusiastic man, I could be in the best of moods, been given $500 from a complete stranger, saved a kitten from a tree, or even recessitated an elderly nun who choked on her egg roll in the food court that day, but if I walk into Forever 21, I am Forever Pissed off that day (see what I did right there?).

Good day readers!

Pet Peeve

Dear Readers,

There are some things in life that just piss a person off. This past weekend, I was a victim of burglary in Rochester. I was out at a fine establishment that happened to allow 18+ to enter and had myself a good time. I came back to the person's house I was staying at and continued to have a good time until 0345, when I was woken up by a frantic call from my Mom. "David, where are you?" I said, "Um...Rochester, Why?" The next phrase she riddled off in her tears, sent shivers down my spine. "Where is your car? Your father got a call saying it was in an accident." Needless to say, I was awake at that point and went outside to find about 5 Rochacha Police cars and just as many cops around my beautiful 1998 Buick Park Avenue (Ironically, until now I didn't make the pun that I was parked on a street next to "Park Avenue"). I find out that two African American male's decided my car looked good enough to break into. Now I will inturrupt this story to tell you why my father thought it was in an accident. "Hey Paul, a car registered to Deanna was involved in an INcident in Monroe county." Do you see how those two words can be confused with one another, baby birds? Anyway, The police officers were nice enough, mostly because my father is a officer of the law I'm sure, and had me pick out my belongings so I could have them back. Here is the list of things they attempted to steal:
1) iPod charger
2) Laundry Detergent
3) Army Hoodie
4) Tire shine
5) Package of Eclipse Gum....really?!
6) Cell phone charger
7) 2 of my Army Pay stubs.

So, I was up until around 0400 signing paperwork and such, when all of sudden one of the "suspects" told an officer that the detergent was his. Now, readers, I had the opportunity to claim an iPhone, but I didn't...WHY WOULD I CLAIM DETERGENT?! This just shows how idiotic the youth of Rochester is.

I must tell you that although breaking and entering is a nuisance and I would like for it never to happen again, I don't consider it a pet peeve. Let me share with you a pet peeve of mine that most of my closest friends do not even know: I cannot stand it when a person bites their silverware. It literally sends shivers down my freakishly long spine. Just imagine for a second a little diaper wearing brat who is sitting at a table that I'm waiting on. Now imagine this little shit scraping his fork repeatedly in his chubby Gerber™ hole. If the ear shattering sound happens just once, I can put up with, it is when I'm having a bad day and I hear it Bite, after BIte, after BITe, after BITE that it drives me over the edge.

Now for the moral of my story: Don't bite your silverware, and surely don't do it while breaking into my car or I might have to forgo calling the police and just beat you with the nearest object that will cause enough blunt forced trauma to put you asleep for a long, long time.

Goodnight, Readers.

ONE YEAR

Dear Readers,

Jessica Barlow (link to her blog coming soon!), has inspired me to resurrect my blog. I love doing it and I love writing about things that annoy me, inspire me, or make me smile.

I will start this off with a promise that I will BLOG at least once a week for the next year. If I don't, I give you full permission to hit me with an apple every time you see me. This works out because if I miss a week, what are the odds you'll have an apple handy to hit me with? I mean who just carries an apple in their pocket. I will just avoid construction zones...the men at work's wives pack their lunches.

So, readers, I am now living on my own in the dubbed "Fraternity house". So far it has been an eventful summer filled with injury, break in attempts, break in successes and a lot of Law and Order SVU. I suppose I shall fill you in on some updates since our last word fest and fill the new readers in on my likes and dislikes.

1) I love M&M's...if all else fails, buy me M&M's...you can punch me in the face and I will forgive you if you present me with enough of those delicious chocolate treats.
2) I still enjoy going to Canada and getting harassed by Canadians.
3) I still think illegal immigrants suck.
4) I still love the Yankees.

That's about it. As for my consumer rants and trying to get free things, I have taken a break from that, however if the opportunity arises, I will jump on it and litter myself with free coupons.

Tomorrow I will be blogging about something special and it will not be boring. In the mean time, familiarize yourself with my style and check the archives to your right.