New URL!!!

Dear readers,

Exciting news has come to the Gray matter. We now have easier access to my blog because I decided to buy a shortened URL! www.dgraymatter.com will be the permanent home for my blog. I think I might be a little more excited than you, but this is going to make life much, much, much easier. In the works next is a twitter page to update short things about my escapades, including the future adventures of getting free products!

In other news long time pal, Casey Flynn, approached me about her problem with Slim Jim. Seeing as I'm still waiting on my "prize" from my first trial, I thought hey, why not give this one a try! She bought a 24 pack which was enclosed in a tin. This tin was perfectly fine until she opened it only to find 21 packages sealed and 3 sealed packages with NO SLIM JIM in it! This is the letter I wrote to them:

"I recently bought a can of Slim Jim's that "contained" 24 individually wrapped pieces in it. I opened it up only to find that 3 of the wrappers were sealed but DID NOT contain any Slim Jim's! I don't know how your quality control works but they are not doing their job correctly. In this day and age, you can't afford to put out a product like that. Please respond, I'm not happy."

They responded in a very quick amount of time. It was only 6 hours until I got a response that read:
Dear Mr. Gray,

Thank you for contacting us with your concern about our Slim Jim® Jerky Canister. We are sorry to learn about your experience.

Comments from consumers of our products are always helpful. It is only by meeting your needs that we can continue to be successful. Your feedback will be shared with others in our company.

We will also be sending you a response via regular mail, with an attached coupon that is valid for nine months. Please allow 1-2 weeks for receipt.

Please accept our sincere apologies for your experience. We value our consumers and hope you will give us another try.

Sincerely,
Krissy
Consumer Affairs

We shall see how this one turns out! I'm obviously sure it'll be a coupon but will it be for a buy one, get one free, or will it be a free voucher?! I will keep you posted as well as let you know when I receive my free Golden Grahams.

Goodnight readers, and Rest in Peace Michael.

Adventure: Part 1

Dear readers,

I started strong with my quest to get compensation! I searched my house for something I was not pleased with and came to a box of Golden Grahams. This box had contents described as: "Honey Graham ridged cereal" on the box. When I ate one of these ridged cereal peaces, I was displeased with the amount of honey on it. I decided to start my quest with a letter to General Mills! It read as follows:

" I was not at all pleased with the product. I have eaten this cereal as well as pretty much every GMills cereal there is for years! The problem is the lack of honey taste on the grahams. I have noticed this entire box is full of practically honey-less grahams. This, as you can imagine, is unacceptable and I hope you can do something about this because I am extremely displeased."

This was sent on the morning of the 23rd of June. I received the following just today at around 5pm:
"Dear Mr. Gray:
Thank you for contacting us regarding your disappointment with Golden Grahams cereal. As a responsible manufacturer, we strive to produce high quality products and are sorry your experience did not meet the standards we expect from our products.

We will be sending an adjustment for your purchase to your mailing address. You should receive it within 7 to 10 business days. We appreciate that you have shared your concerns and hope you continue to use and enjoy our products.

Sincerely,

Rhonda Short

Consumer Services"

First off...thanks for the Mr.Gray. I would have preferred to be called, "Mr. Yarg" because that would be my last name backwards....I don't know but I think it would be impressive if they did that. Secondly, what the heck is an adjustment for my purchase? After doing some investigating in my noggin, I think it may be a check in the amount of a single box of cereal? I'm not going to lie, that would suck. Let's hope they give me a check with an amount big enough to buy six or seven boxes. I'll keep you all updated!

PS: South Carolina governor sleeping with an Argentinian woman....good job. It's getting tougher and tougher to defend why I stick up for the republican party so much.

Have a good one!

Adventure

Dear readers,

I have been thinking for weeks about something to do this summer. I took up fishing and I work 30+ hours, but something is missing! My summer quest finally came to me at my sister's wedding reception. There is no rhyme or reason for why I came up with it there, but the thought that triggered it was looking at the "Miller light" label of my beer can (or should I say a beer can of someone over 21...). I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be great if we could get this stuff free?!"

So far you should be scratching your head, or other extremities, and be asking yourself what the heck I am talking about. Well, my friend, I am talking about companies and exploiting their flaws. That is right...I am going to find something wrong with a product or company and try to get something free because of how displeased I am!

I will avoid doing jail time by not lying. I promise not to call/write to complain if there is not a just cause. I will find something wrong with AT LEAST one product a week and try to get something more than just a letter of apology! There are many avenues of approach I will try such as:
1) Bad customer service
2) Bad food safety practice witnessed
3) Bad quality of product
4) Mislabeling of product (happens more than you think...)
And much, much more...

I will have to ponder which product I want to go with first. I think I may start small and work my way up. Perhaps a restaurant, or cereal company? Hmmm...we shall see. Feel free to give me ideas. Pictures and reports will, of course, by put on my BLOG for you to enjoy with me!

Good day faithful readers,

The urinal experience

Dear readers,

As most of you know, there are unspoken rules that a person must abide by when using public restrooms. Some simple ones are to make sure you shut the stall door, to wait your turn, and to not mind the little boy who feels it is necessary to pull hit pants and underwear all the way to the floor when using the urinal.

Ladies, excuse me in advance for this but you won't understand much of what I am about to say but I think you will enjoy it, none-the-less.

With these unspoken general rules, comes the more intricate and very necessary ones that every responsible man lives by. Recently, on a trip to my local wal*mart, I walked in noticed that there where 5 urinal's to choose from, so I decided to take the very last one so that there would be room for 3 guys to use them if they come in (obviously keeping one urinal free in between each man urinating, because that is one of the unspoken rules). All of the sudden this husky bald fella walks in and takes the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Ladies you're saying to yourself (or maybe outloud), "wow Dave, not a big deal." Well, I'm here to tell you, Miss. Mary Jane Rotten Crotch, that it is a big deal. How can I concentrate on relieving my bladder when there is a man doing the same just inches from me? If all the urinal's were taken it would be a different story; however they were not, so the whole time I was peeing, or as our British friends say "spending a penny", I was thinking about the possible reasons why this bald man chose such a spot.

On the drive home, I thought of a few possible scenarios that could have been why Mr. Clean made the decision to piddle so close to my excretion of fluids. Here are a few:
1) He wanted to see what I had going on "down there."
2) He wanted to peak at my urine to make sure it was the correct color. If it were too yellow, he may have mentioned that I need to drink more water.
3) When he walked in he thought he saw me wearing Sponge bob boxers so he wanted to get a closer look.
4) He's OCD and can only urinate in that urinal when he comes to Wallyworld
5) He only goes in the urinal that has the biggest urinal cake, because we all know when you pee directly on the cake it releases a smell of angelic proportions.
6) He was hoping I would offer to shake it for him.
7) He was hoping I would ask him to shake it for me.

There are many more rules to bathroom etiquette that I will not get into JUST yet. Trust me, once someone violates one as severely as Mr. Clean did, I will be sure to express my dissatisfaction with all 12,000 (give or take 12,000) of you who read my blog.

Goodnight my faithful readers,

542542

Dear readers,

I have embarked on a new adventure called The Knowledge Generation Bureau (kgb_). Go to www.kgb.com if you want to learn more about it, but basically it is a community of people like me (called special agents) who work shifts answering questions sent to the number "542542". It costs the sender $.99 to get an answer and for every answer I give, I receive $.10.

The training was a pain in the rear to get through because they make you learn how THEY want you to answer questions, but it was interesting and I learned a lot. Since Tuesday, June 2nd, I have been working shifts, answering some of the most bazaar questions possible...For your enjoyment, I saved a few of my favorites (I can't tell you how I answered them, though, because that would be a violation of a rule set by kgb_!)

-What is the meaning of life?
-will ben kiss me at da dance 2nite?
-why cant the bills do anything right?
- How old is Clint Eastwood?
- When will Hilary Duff come to my house and make out withme?
...and just tonight I got this one:
-"was up wit gay peep..they b babey killerz?"

As you can see, there are the fair share of serious ones. For example, I get a lot asking about restaurants in areas, and even how much flights are. BUT, you can also see that people do not mind spending a buck to ask a real person a real question.

My advice to you, my lovely reader, is to text kgb_ if you have a question that is killing you because there are some great special agents who know their stuff and can help you out. Also, if you are looking for a good laugh, send them an off-the-wall question! We like those, too!

Until next time,

Drive in, drive out

Dear readers,

Driving to my job, Pizza Hut executive chef, in Batavia, has it's advantages and disadvantages. For one, I have to get ready for work about an hour before hand, and leave about 40 minutes before my shift. That is a problem because that means instead of a 4-11:30 shift, it turns into a 3-12:30 shift with the drive.

The Upside to the drive is the opportunity to have some one-on-one time with myself. Go ahead and insert dirty joke, but I'm serious; sometimes the best thinking is done on my way to and from work. You could even say it is therapudic in some way because you start to think about everything that is bugging you in life, and even everthing that is going great in life.

To put it bluntly, I have been in a sort-of "funk" lately. I don't know how to explain it, or how to even describe it, but for some reason I feel sad lately. It might be because of the number of peope who have passed away in the last month, and if you know me you know that I don't deal well with death or the prospect of it. Death to me is something I keep far away from my mind and it's been that way since Mom had her stroke and cancer. When mom had cancer, I saw how awkward it was for people to act normal around me. It always seemed like someone thought I would bust into tears at random points in the day, and that was far from the truth. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I have a tough time seeing other people in the shoes I was once in, or even worse in the shoes I am fortunate I wasn't in. I know how they feel, yet I can't talk to them... My mind and heart get in a fearce battle with one another. My heart wants to reach out and send my love to the person, while my head makes me feel uncomfortable and really upset with seeing someone going through such a hard time.

I'm babbling and I just realized it. I'll get out of this funk. I don't even know what funk I'm in to be completely honest with you.

Goodnight readers,