Wendy's™

Dear Readers,

My BLOGS lately have been, for the most part, aimed towards my frustrations in regards to certain topics. I was planning on writing about how I feel humpback whales are God's gift to the world, but a recent experience at Brockport's Wendy's™ leaves me with literally a bad taste in my mouth.

I was on a journey headed in the direction of self awareness, when I noticed a strange feeling in my stomach. I started running through scenarios in my head as to why this was happening. I came up with these:
1) I was being eaten alive by a tapeworm
2) I had a bowel movement in my immediate future
3) Jesus chose me to bare the first child born from a man (yes, I have heard of the "man" who gave birth twice. Hoax)
4) My liver was striking back
5) I had developed the rare Helicobacter pylori bacteria. My medical training tells me that blood, breath, and stool tests may be done to help reveal a possible infection of Helicobacter pylori bacteria.
6) I was hungry.

Ok, baby birds, as the fear of these possible reasons for my stomach pain were raining through my head, I decided to try eating something. So, I decided to indulge at Wendy's™ and grab my friend some while I was out. I ordered a #6 and a #3. Now I ask you this: How much do you think this cost? $9.50? $10.50? $11.59? Yeah, I assumed that this would cost my around twelve Washington's. Boy(or girl), I was wrong; the total was "$16.68 please *white noise* around to the wi*white noise*ow". I thought I just heard wrong, so I followed the nice lady's directions and pulled around to the window. She says, "$16.68". After asking if this was right for just two meals, she said, "Um, yeah they were like $8.00 each or something." I looked at her for a second with a blank stare and she says, "So, are you going to pay?!" I instantly got pissed and said, "yes, but I'm going to need a receipt". She hands me the food, receipt, her fake smile, and I leave.

I have tolerance for high prices, but I do not have tolerance for cold food, cold attitudes, or cold toes. I had all of these things and Wendy's ™ was at fault for two out of the three of my irritations. My fries tasted like they were cooked and stored in the Arctic Tundra and my burger was very much sub par.

The next day, I called their customer service center and vented my frustrations about my meal and the kind Customer Service Representative agreed that the price was wrong. Turns out I was charged for 2 extra fries and she collected my phone number. She told me that the store manager would be in touch, but I have yet to hear anything back from their fine eating establishment that can only be compared to the food equivalent of the nearest cow pasture.

Just to clarify, it was hunger that was causing the strange phenomenon in the area of my stomach, but I did not come to that conclusion thanks to Wendy's™.

Good day, Readers.

Dave's thoughts exactly

Dear Readers,

I will start this blog off with an update from my recent car break in. I received a letter from Assistant District Attorney Amanda Balling from Monroe county earlier this week and was instructed to call her office. Being an upstanding citizen, I obliged and called Miss. Balling promptly and got through to her office. I will pause for a second to mention that Miss. Balling sounded sexy. I pause again, and return to the story. I told her the defendants names and the date of my traumatic incident which led her to a 16 minute crusade to find the file. I was hoping for some Barry Manilow to be playing, but instead was left with nothing but the sound of wrestling papers and call of duty being played in my immediate background. Once returning to the phone, she told me that one of the "alleged" offenders had a pretty extensive record and the other had a clean one. To my surprise, I had the option of what I wanted to charge them with: I could charge them with the full petty larceny, unlawful entering and possession of stolen property, OR I could have been one of God's angels and let them off with just unlawful entry.

Now, Readers (I capitalize Readers because I care that much about you), I am a compassionate man who loves nothing more than to see a baby whale being saved from his terrorizing death after being beached for 12 hours, but as for the inter city youth who drop it like it's hot, who blew up the spot, who be krumping, and who wreck shop, I have none. I told her to make an example out of the thugs and throw 'da book at 'der boogaloo style. She obliged and said I might get a subpoena if they plead not guilty. When asked what the max sentence is for this, she said it was a $2,000 fine and weekends in jail for 4 months.

I am hurt. Weekends in jail? Commmoooonnn. I haven't stopped shaking since it happens, I have nightmares, and my left eye, I believe, may be going blind because of the stress. As slight as the exaggeration of my PTSD might be from this incident, I must say I think it is an absolute joke these kids will only have to do weekends in jail.

On a serious note, this says a lot about over crowding in jails and the offenders themselves. Think about it, if I got caught doing the same thing, I would be thrown in jail and have bail set at $1,000. This, in my opinion, is because I come from a decent family who can afford a lawyer who is not a public defender and everyone, from the government as well as the private attorneys would make more money from this. Those punks probably didn't even get to use the jail showers or enjoy a PB&J. Everything happens because of 'da Benjamin's.

On a side note, I tried Facebook stalking the two captains of crime but was unsurprised to find they did not have an account...imagine that. Oh, and no, I will not post the names of the two; I have a little bit of discretion. Just a little bit. (PS: Nancy, did I use that semicolon correctly?!)

Goodnight, Readers.

Rage like no other

Dear Readers,

Recently, I have been thinking about the little things in life that irritate me to no end. Some of these are:
1) Russian accents
2) Bandwagon fans of any team
3) People who honk their horn at me and wave. Just don't do it, I can't see who you are and you just look like an idiot.
4) People who disrespect police officers
5) Pony rides at the fair- Hey, little brat, it's a undersized horse who can't carry your chub anyways.
6) People who pronounce pajamas, Pajahmahs.
7) NASCAR....not a sport, enough said.

There are many more that I have and I promise to share with you, but one I did not mention may sound a little strange to you. I cannot stand Forever 21 stores. Yes, that is the truth, Forever 21 is a retail store that grinds my gears like no other. Have you ever just walked in and seen the place? The floor has a hideous glitter that makes your eyes swell up with hatred, the clothes are spread out the store as if the devil himself folded and tagged the clothes, and the people-excuse me, the prepubescent brats- who go into that poor excuse of a retail chain are nothing but a bunch of winy, spoiled girls who need to be locked in a closet for no less than 6 years. Just take a walk into that place and you will instantly see what I am talking about. Recently, at the Galleria Mall in Buffalo, they added a second story to the palace of female hormones. That means if you are dragged into the place by your significant other, girlfriend, girl you just met, girl who you're not sure is 17 yet, girl who you're 70% sure is not a guy, or just a friend, you have no place to hide when she drags you to the retail equivalent to the second level of Dante's Inferno.

I know what you are thinking, "Wow, Dave! You sure have a strong opinion about a company just trying to make a profit using the free market ideals our forefathers envisioned for us!" But let me tell you, well educated and equally enthusiastic man, I could be in the best of moods, been given $500 from a complete stranger, saved a kitten from a tree, or even recessitated an elderly nun who choked on her egg roll in the food court that day, but if I walk into Forever 21, I am Forever Pissed off that day (see what I did right there?).

Good day readers!

Pet Peeve

Dear Readers,

There are some things in life that just piss a person off. This past weekend, I was a victim of burglary in Rochester. I was out at a fine establishment that happened to allow 18+ to enter and had myself a good time. I came back to the person's house I was staying at and continued to have a good time until 0345, when I was woken up by a frantic call from my Mom. "David, where are you?" I said, "Um...Rochester, Why?" The next phrase she riddled off in her tears, sent shivers down my spine. "Where is your car? Your father got a call saying it was in an accident." Needless to say, I was awake at that point and went outside to find about 5 Rochacha Police cars and just as many cops around my beautiful 1998 Buick Park Avenue (Ironically, until now I didn't make the pun that I was parked on a street next to "Park Avenue"). I find out that two African American male's decided my car looked good enough to break into. Now I will inturrupt this story to tell you why my father thought it was in an accident. "Hey Paul, a car registered to Deanna was involved in an INcident in Monroe county." Do you see how those two words can be confused with one another, baby birds? Anyway, The police officers were nice enough, mostly because my father is a officer of the law I'm sure, and had me pick out my belongings so I could have them back. Here is the list of things they attempted to steal:
1) iPod charger
2) Laundry Detergent
3) Army Hoodie
4) Tire shine
5) Package of Eclipse Gum....really?!
6) Cell phone charger
7) 2 of my Army Pay stubs.

So, I was up until around 0400 signing paperwork and such, when all of sudden one of the "suspects" told an officer that the detergent was his. Now, readers, I had the opportunity to claim an iPhone, but I didn't...WHY WOULD I CLAIM DETERGENT?! This just shows how idiotic the youth of Rochester is.

I must tell you that although breaking and entering is a nuisance and I would like for it never to happen again, I don't consider it a pet peeve. Let me share with you a pet peeve of mine that most of my closest friends do not even know: I cannot stand it when a person bites their silverware. It literally sends shivers down my freakishly long spine. Just imagine for a second a little diaper wearing brat who is sitting at a table that I'm waiting on. Now imagine this little shit scraping his fork repeatedly in his chubby Gerber™ hole. If the ear shattering sound happens just once, I can put up with, it is when I'm having a bad day and I hear it Bite, after BIte, after BITe, after BITE that it drives me over the edge.

Now for the moral of my story: Don't bite your silverware, and surely don't do it while breaking into my car or I might have to forgo calling the police and just beat you with the nearest object that will cause enough blunt forced trauma to put you asleep for a long, long time.

Goodnight, Readers.

ONE YEAR

Dear Readers,

Jessica Barlow (link to her blog coming soon!), has inspired me to resurrect my blog. I love doing it and I love writing about things that annoy me, inspire me, or make me smile.

I will start this off with a promise that I will BLOG at least once a week for the next year. If I don't, I give you full permission to hit me with an apple every time you see me. This works out because if I miss a week, what are the odds you'll have an apple handy to hit me with? I mean who just carries an apple in their pocket. I will just avoid construction zones...the men at work's wives pack their lunches.

So, readers, I am now living on my own in the dubbed "Fraternity house". So far it has been an eventful summer filled with injury, break in attempts, break in successes and a lot of Law and Order SVU. I suppose I shall fill you in on some updates since our last word fest and fill the new readers in on my likes and dislikes.

1) I love M&M's...if all else fails, buy me M&M's...you can punch me in the face and I will forgive you if you present me with enough of those delicious chocolate treats.
2) I still enjoy going to Canada and getting harassed by Canadians.
3) I still think illegal immigrants suck.
4) I still love the Yankees.

That's about it. As for my consumer rants and trying to get free things, I have taken a break from that, however if the opportunity arises, I will jump on it and litter myself with free coupons.

Tomorrow I will be blogging about something special and it will not be boring. In the mean time, familiarize yourself with my style and check the archives to your right.