Dave's thoughts exactly

Dear Readers,

I will start this blog off with an update from my recent car break in. I received a letter from Assistant District Attorney Amanda Balling from Monroe county earlier this week and was instructed to call her office. Being an upstanding citizen, I obliged and called Miss. Balling promptly and got through to her office. I will pause for a second to mention that Miss. Balling sounded sexy. I pause again, and return to the story. I told her the defendants names and the date of my traumatic incident which led her to a 16 minute crusade to find the file. I was hoping for some Barry Manilow to be playing, but instead was left with nothing but the sound of wrestling papers and call of duty being played in my immediate background. Once returning to the phone, she told me that one of the "alleged" offenders had a pretty extensive record and the other had a clean one. To my surprise, I had the option of what I wanted to charge them with: I could charge them with the full petty larceny, unlawful entering and possession of stolen property, OR I could have been one of God's angels and let them off with just unlawful entry.

Now, Readers (I capitalize Readers because I care that much about you), I am a compassionate man who loves nothing more than to see a baby whale being saved from his terrorizing death after being beached for 12 hours, but as for the inter city youth who drop it like it's hot, who blew up the spot, who be krumping, and who wreck shop, I have none. I told her to make an example out of the thugs and throw 'da book at 'der boogaloo style. She obliged and said I might get a subpoena if they plead not guilty. When asked what the max sentence is for this, she said it was a $2,000 fine and weekends in jail for 4 months.

I am hurt. Weekends in jail? Commmoooonnn. I haven't stopped shaking since it happens, I have nightmares, and my left eye, I believe, may be going blind because of the stress. As slight as the exaggeration of my PTSD might be from this incident, I must say I think it is an absolute joke these kids will only have to do weekends in jail.

On a serious note, this says a lot about over crowding in jails and the offenders themselves. Think about it, if I got caught doing the same thing, I would be thrown in jail and have bail set at $1,000. This, in my opinion, is because I come from a decent family who can afford a lawyer who is not a public defender and everyone, from the government as well as the private attorneys would make more money from this. Those punks probably didn't even get to use the jail showers or enjoy a PB&J. Everything happens because of 'da Benjamin's.

On a side note, I tried Facebook stalking the two captains of crime but was unsurprised to find they did not have an account...imagine that. Oh, and no, I will not post the names of the two; I have a little bit of discretion. Just a little bit. (PS: Nancy, did I use that semicolon correctly?!)

Goodnight, Readers.