As most of you know, there are unspoken rules that a person must abide by when using public restrooms. Some simple ones are to make sure you shut the stall door, to wait your turn, and to not mind the little boy who feels it is necessary to pull hit pants and underwear all the way to the floor when using the urinal.
Ladies, excuse me in advance for this but you won't understand much of what I am about to say but I think you will enjoy it, none-the-less.
With these unspoken general rules, comes the more intricate and very necessary ones that every responsible man lives by. Recently, on a trip to my local wal*mart, I walked in noticed that there where 5 urinal's to choose from, so I decided to take the very last one so that there would be room for 3 guys to use them if they come in (obviously keeping one urinal free in between each man urinating, because that is one of the unspoken rules). All of the sudden this husky bald fella walks in and takes the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Ladies you're saying to yourself (or maybe outloud), "wow Dave, not a big deal." Well, I'm here to tell you, Miss. Mary Jane Rotten Crotch, that it is a big deal. How can I concentrate on relieving my bladder when there is a man doing the same just inches from me? If all the urinal's were taken it would be a different story; however they were not, so the whole time I was peeing, or as our British friends say "spending a penny", I was thinking about the possible reasons why this bald man chose such a spot.
On the drive home, I thought of a few possible scenarios that could have been why Mr. Clean made the decision to piddle so close to my excretion of fluids. Here are a few:
1) He wanted to see what I had going on "down there."
2) He wanted to peak at my urine to make sure it was the correct color. If it were too yellow, he may have mentioned that I need to drink more water.
3) When he walked in he thought he saw me wearing Sponge bob boxers so he wanted to get a closer look.
4) He's OCD and can only urinate in that urinal when he comes to Wallyworld
5) He only goes in the urinal that has the biggest urinal cake, because we all know when you pee directly on the cake it releases a smell of angelic proportions.
6) He was hoping I would offer to shake it for him.
7) He was hoping I would ask him to shake it for me.
There are many more rules to bathroom etiquette that I will not get into JUST yet. Trust me, once someone violates one as severely as Mr. Clean did, I will be sure to express my dissatisfaction with all 12,000 (give or take 12,000) of you who read my blog.
Goodnight my faithful readers,
Lmfao all 12,000 give or take 12,000. Brilliant.
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